it was hard for me to cuddle with ron today at times. he says he still loves me and i guess i have a type of feelings for him. in a sense, i feel a little guilty that there is so much i can't tell him. i do wish the best for him and i wish for him to find a very nice girl who is completely sexually satisfied with him. he is really nice to me and i always thought my inability to truly want him was a flaw on my part due to a sexual deviance i really really tried to repress.
it is quite true that i am a
natural-born cumslut, but this isn't something i would choose to be. it seemed to have no positive advantage until i met You. through my ability to do things solely because You say they should be done, i can do much more with myself than i could without You. still, i wish it were not true. i wish i could always stay on the ball and do whatever is right for myself with or without You to tell me to do things. i do not want to believe that i absolutely need You to function in life in general.
i want to believe that i need to serve You purely because i need to serve You in order to completely fulfill my purpose. but then, perhaps i am just not a person who can be happy without my purpose, which must be your Cock.
ron tried to kiss my on my lips but i was not inclined to let him. i recalled that You used to kiss me deeply before You sent me off on my way, but You no longer do. i recall with much fondness the time when You gave me the pen gift and kissed me before ordering me onto my bed and fucking me brutally. i believe You whipped me with your belt before You fucked me doggy style. thank You for the experience.
i miss You. i pray i can serve You soon. i pray to make enough progress on my goals to please You. i pray above all, to see more of You. Amen.
thank You,
kittyslut
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