Slut Confession #110 (Lack of Enthusiasm)

Master,

i recall that i am not permitted to apologize for even the worst of infractions. so, i cannot apologize for showing a lack of enthusiasm for serving You tonight. truly, i had been very excited throughout the day about the prospect of serving You with my fuckholes and i am now so extremely sad that i cannot do this because i have displeased You.

i feel now almost exactly as i felt in the beginning of august when You became so displeased with me that You said that i was no longer worthy of being called a cumslut because i could not make You cum satisfactorily. and i felt intensely confused and distraught when You stopped speaking to me completely during that week in august. i felt so inadequate and helpless because i felt that i could not please You even though i wanted to and i did try to be a good fuckpet- in truth, i tried to please You more that summer when You were so put off by me than i did in any other time unless You count to effort i put into my law school applications as a way of pleasing You.

but i really feel awful. i know You often note my errors in serving You including how i kneel, how i smell, how i prepare a selection of porn for You, how i suck your Cock, how i worship your Cock. but today is different. i know that i don't deserve to see You and i feel so helpless about changing it. i hate being delinquent about responding to emails from You at work. i wish i could change this but i feel helpless
in that i cannot. i hate being so overwhelmed by the process of applying to law school because i seem to be condensing what many take months to do into a single month. i hated being generally unavailable for You during the conference.

i am reminded that i should never take You for granted and that i should never assume that i am automatically worthy of being used to please Your Cock. i must always continuously earn the privilege of serving You by showing You how desperately i wish to serve You. but i also wonder if at times when i feel overwhelmed and it becomes difficult for me to show my devotion to You because it comes at the expense of other obligations (in this case both are obligations that You created- my job and law school)- i wonder if at these times i will always have to expect that You will exacerbate my distress by expressing displeasure in me and even worse- by losing interest in me because i am unable to give You enough dedication.

tonight, i have made You lose so much interest in me that You went from choosing to spend the night to choosing not even communicating with me. as for now, this is what it is. i will try to make sure that i am absolutely prepared for your visits on the nights that You choose to see me.

i do not wish to be released, but i worry when i miss You because it makes me miserable. and right now i really really miss You.

thank You,
kittyslut