today, i went to a kink party, but i was only one of two girls there! the host was female, so i thought it would not be a "sausage fest," but i was quite wrong. in the meantime, i am looking for a replacement slut wherever i can. kitten has not returned my call, which i think was rude, so i guess i must accept that she is being difficult right now.
i wonder what You are planning now. i fear that You will send me away to someone else to train. i know that sometimes You have a tendency to set goals and then tell me that i may not even have any contact with You until they are achieved. today at the kink party, we watched the movie secretary. You have probably seen it at some point. i think it's a well done movie but i do not like it. i always feel so bad for the slut when she has to wait for days for her Master to come and accept her. i know how it feels to have to wait for the one you need so much without any knowledge of if they will return and if they really want you. it's horrible beyond any pain that a real person could desire.
i hope You will allow me to serve your Cock again. at the kink gathering today, i knew that not one person there could hold any interest for me despite the fact that no one was dumb and no one was trashy. but i can wish for no one besides You and no one unlike You. i don't know why i am so uniquely drawn to you and serving your Cock above all. i love that your dominance is ubiquitous. i love that You are always enigmatic and somehow larger than life. whatever ethos You operate under, it takes me away from the confines of ordinary people's reality.
sometimes, i feel so helpless. sometimes, i wonder if i should just follow the rules that everyone else lives by. after all, it isn't "fair" to be in a relationship where i can't influence what kind of partners i have. it isn't 'right' that anything that goes wrong is branded as my fault as You have decided not to take responsibility for anything that does happen or does not happen. but none of your characteristics that could be called flaws are aspects that i am ungrateful for. i love your Cock and all the laws that You deem are correct. i am so sad that You continue to ignore me. i wonder if You will ever stop. i wonder how You will let me know that You intend to ignore me and refuse my attempts at obedience to your Cock.
it would be so sad for us to give up on what there could be between us. and i know that i will never be like your former sluts. i will never spread my legs for You and remember your rules if You do not own me. i will never tell You i miss your Cock if i do not belong to You. i must be owned by You. as You do not dominate as part of some occasional game, i cannot submit out of any other reason besides feeling that i am completely and permanently owned. i am your owned slut cunt and that defines my entire nature. it is all i desire to be and i hope You believe me and don't completely lose interest and give up on me. i know that disobedience and ungratefulness revolts You, Sir. kitten was so stupid not to feel complete gratitude to your attention.
i wish You called me multiple times and forced me to express my love for your Cock. now she will never understand her true nature because of he refusal to appreciate a rare blessing. i know how important your Cock is. i hope You do not throw me away because she threw herself away.
Master, i pray to your Cock for forgiveness and i think i will pray for this every night until You express some pleasure with me. i pray to earn your Cock again. i pray for an opportunity for atonement. Amen.
thank You,
kittyslut in training
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