Slut Confession #55 (First True Master)

Master,

i know that You require the use of my fuckholes and i hope that You will choose to use them. i hate to cause You to wait. i think You have not used me for any purpose in nearly a month. it's strange.

i do know that rachel will eat my pussy and serve me as a submissive. i doubt her Dom would prevent it from happening. i suppose i should still try and find a girl to eat my pussy this week so that i do not keep You waiting longer. i find it almost outside of my capacity to have sex with a girl that i do not know, but for You i must find some anonymous girl as my female friends (like seka) probably do not move fast.

i signed up on a BDSM dating web site without a picture or any other such information. the people on the site look strange to me, but perhaps they are completely normal people in their everyday lives. that site reminds me of how much i wish i were not into kink. some people discover these things in adolescence or adulthood- these things being their interest in deviant sexual practices.

i envy even them because i feel that it must be less integral to them than it is to me as i have been a hardcore sadomasochist ever since i was about 5 and i seem to have discovered plenty of kinky ideas and fantasies all by myself, in the absence of porn or experience or anything.

if anyone wonders where kink comes from- who started it and how it is passed on, i can say that it will always be continually revived by people like me that are truly just born this way. nevertheless, i would give this up in one second if it were possible. i have yet to see how i am better off as a submissive rather than a plain ol' vanilla. well, i will look on the bright side.

i would rather be this than a lesbian or a pedophile...or a virgin...no, no- voluntary virginity due to lack of interest might be a profound blessing. imagine all that mental energy, all that time spent on fantasizing, masturbating- and now obsessing over pleasing You- what if i could have it all back and do productive things in those times (like now- if i were not Your slave right now i would be sound asleep).

but then- who am i ranting to? these things are so not even close to being Your problems. You are not a distracted unproductive person, so You may well well enjoy owning someone entirely. i used to tell an ex that i wanted to suck his essence out of him- steal it from him, whenever i sucked him off and drank his cum. it felt as though i could take a part of him away and then make that a part of me and then somehow become more like him and less like me.

i would not feel this way with You, however. in Your case, i only want to drink Your cum so that i can serve You and earn Your approval and feel owned by You. i have no hope- not even a theoretical hope- of being anything like You. i only want You to be happier as Yourself and then i will feel fulfilled.

my experience loosing my virginity was so strange. i always fantasized about men raping / taking / using virgins. there is something romantic about being the first and only owner of a fuckhole- especially an innocent and reluctant one. i never wanted to let anyone feel that type of ownership and stamp of permanence on me, so i didn't tell the boyfriend i lost my virginity to that i was a virgin.

perhaps it was an early sign of my difficulty and desire to rebel. but how things have changed. how it seems that i wish to do anything to feel owned completely by You, Sir. it is strange- almost inexplicable- that despite by longstanding and deeply ingrained desire to submit to a Master, You are the only one that has ever owned me and probably the only one that will ever own me.

if for some reason i stopped being Your kitty, i highly doubt i would ever belong to anyone else either. i would return to my vanilla life, rebelling against myself until the end of time.

forever Yours,
kittyslut