Slut Confession #21 (Anal Pain Reflection)

Master,

i hope You had a good day today. you seemed quite busy this week so i hope i will get to be a source of relaxation for You over the weekend. i am now thinking about dominating this girl, and i wonder how it relates to Your process of dominating me. i don't think it is all that similar. right now, the girl i am interested in is interesting to me because of her personality and introspective capacity and not because of her sexuality, which in theory does not at all attract me.

strangely, i am somewhat attracted to the idea of Domming a transgendered man (which i would not do because i think those people are usually messed up and have HIV or something), but i have not been attracted to the idea of Domming an androgynous woman. i might be able to get into it. i must be the biggest weirdo because i am now developing this academic interest in Domming this girl because it goes against traditional norms. she is butch, and i am more femme and domination of an individual seems to often involve feminizing the submissive's sexuality in a degrading patriarchial way even when the submissive is already female--making them shave their pussies, wear little thongs, speak in a girly whispery voice, etc. i kind of like the idea of masculinizing a woman in order to degrade them. in some ways, dominating this girl, or quasi girl or whatever she is, is a form of rebellion against my own submissive nature and against the persona that dominates me (i.e., You).

my ass still hurts, both on the inside and out. sometimes the pain is difficult to bare, but that keeps my cunt wet and very eager to experience Your cock in my asshole soon. perhaps it would hurt even more now that my asshole is already sore and then that would make my cunt even wetter. i like to look at the picture of myself next to the door. i look so feral there, like some domesticated pet, nervously submissive to its owner. i hope i can see You this weekend and serve You in any way You might like.

anyways, while my social personality is not really submissive, it is more submissive than dominant. my sexual personality doesn't have an innate dominant side, but i do have an aggressive side. i think i have always wanted to Domme a girl because i would identify with the pleasure of the submissive and feel vicarious satisfaction through that. but even if a sub could give me orgasm after orgasm, i would still need a man to dominate me. i would still repeat that i am a cum slut and that i need to be trained in my head as a submissive was serving me, i think.

thank You,
cumslut